"But Mousie, thou art no thy lane,In proving foresight may be vain:The best laid schemes o' mice an' menGang aft agley,An' lea'e us nought but grief an' pain,For promis'd joy!Still thou are blest, compared wi' me!The present only toucheth thee:But och! I backward cast my e'e,On prospects drear!An' forward, tho' I canna see,I guess an' fear!"Robert Burns- To A Mouse
If you are ever feeling bored and up for a challenge I would highly recommend that you read the full poem above. It is pretty tough but very worth it.
In the poem, a farmer plows through a mouses nest and offers an apology for destroying his home. He concludes with the thoughts written above. Blessed is the mouse, who prepares for the future yet lives only in the present. Mean while the man is cursed to look both forward and back in time- regretting the past and fearing the unknown future.
As I may have alluded to earlier, the residency gig has been a source of discomfort in my life recently. For years I have had this plan- I would get a PGY2 residency, meet the girl of my dreams, settle down with a job at a university, work part time at a hospital, and start my life. Done and Done. I never in my wildest dreams thought about "what if that doesn't happen?" That is the question facing me now... What if?
Now the intent of this post isn't to moan about my life, and I certainly don't expect (or want) sympathy on the matter. It is instead to learn the lesson the farmer sought to learn... To live in the present. I live in a wonderful city, surrounded by people (and new friends) who care for me far more than they should. Why should I be worried about 6 months from now? Why should I waste the present with my worry and my concern?
That is the ultimate irony, in continuing to live my life the way I have been would be a double failure. By fearing the future I waste the present- and then someday I will look back and regret that I didn't take the time to invest myself in the people and city of Madison. I would get myself both coming and going.
"Consider how the lilies grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these." - Luke 12:27
Or better yet...
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." -Jeremiah 29:11
Here's to the life of a mouse... where the present only toucheth thee
In him,
Gus
Kyle,
ReplyDeleteSince I lack technology, and a letter would take too long to reach you, I'll just leave my regards here for the world to see.
I applaud you, darling, for living the life of a mouse. I know this would sound weird out of the context of this message, but I'm sure you understand what I mean. I've discovered lately when you stop looking for things, they seem to find you. For example (this is trivial, but I promise to make a point)... last week I lost the remote to my computer- I tore my room apart looking for the damn thing. Literally moved EVERY piece of furniture looking for this little silver remote. I swore up and down I'd checked every where. I started blaming stupid things for this event. Then, I stopped. This morning I found it hiding under my Bible. Can we say, oops? My interpretation of this event, God was saying, "Hey, Hannah, stop being a fool, and just come hang out with me. I will provide your answers."
So I find the remote, and sit down to watch this film a friend suggests... bam, it hits me again. "Hannah, this is God again, yeah, sweetheart... stop looking for answers and solutions to your problems. I'm going to get to them... be patient and keep an ear out for me. Thanks."
There is this book I love called "Through Painted Deserts" by Don Miller... he's on this adventure to Oregon with his friend Paul, and constantly God reminds them not to worry so much about the time of their arrival, or how they are going to pay for everything or what they are going to eat... and so on and so forth... He shows them the beauty of His Creation as if to say, "Hey, you idiots, I got this. Stop stressing... have faith in me and enjoy the beauty I have given to you." (P.S. I think God can sometimes be more sarcastic than we give Him credit for.)
I know this was long and ended up getting off track but what I'm trying to tell you is "YES!" enjoy what is in your life right now... be thankful for the gifts you have in the form of wonderful friends, a job that you enjoy... and hand everything else over to the Big Man. He's got this... he's always had it. Since the beginning of time.
Have a wonderful Wednesday (or at least what is left of this)... I look forward to talking to you in the near future.
Hugs,
-Hannah
P.S. For some reason this ridiculous website wants me to be anonymous... and I'm not going to battle with it, because let's face it, I want to be forgotten (we can talk about that some other time though :D )